Like You'll Never See Me Again
by loveofallthatisawesome
Summary: Clary left Jace after a fight and with the help of her journal and some memories, Jace sets out to find her. MultiPOV. AU/AH/Slightly OOC. Will give better summary later. Rating might change, as well, not sure just yet.
1. Pain

**Disclaimer: If I owned The Mortal Instruments I would have bought Alex Pettyfer already.**

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><p>Jace loved pain.<p>

Maybe he was accustomed to it because of his childhood or maybe he was really demented for using it as an escape. It didn't matter to him, not at the moment. He just wanted it.

He'd picked a fight earlier with a couple of guys just because he felt like it. It wasn't unlike him, but that time it was different. He enjoyed a nice fist fight every now and then, but one of the men had pulled out a knife and lashed out at him. He would've taken him on, but with two other guys flanking him he knew he wouldn't win and he was forced to leave.

Which was the reason why he was now in Joe's Bar with multiple lacerations and bruises forming all over his body. He downed the third tequila shot of the night, feeling the hollow, burning sensation in his throat. He sucked on the lemon, grimacing from the taste. It wasn't a good one.

He then poked one of the purple bruises on his left arm, wanting to feel the physical pain again. He wanted to erase the emotional pain he felt from earlier, with Clary. He scowled at the thought of her.

"Give me another," he told the busty bartender.

She smiled at him, turning to fill another glass. She set it down in front of him with a suggestive wink. "This one's on the house."

She was young, maybe twenty-one and she probably wanted to get with him since she wasn't even carding him and he was only nineteen. Her features were generally Hispanic. She had wavy, brown hair that reached her tiny waist. Her skin was slightly tanned and went well with her hazel eyes. She was wearing what he guessed to be their uniform which was a tight, white almost see-through shirt and tiny black shorts. They emphasized her toned muscles and slender figure. Overall, not a bad catch.

"Let's say they're all on the house and I'll pay it back for you in a more satisfying way," Jace said, emphasizing 'satisfying'. She gave him a sultry smile after he drank the liquor.

She leaned close to his ear and whispered, "Meet me in the back in ten minutes." She trailed her fingers down his arms, he winced as she passed over his bruises. She didn't know they were there since he was wearing long sleeves. She went to the back room. Probably to say she was taking her break.

He stood up, feeling a little vertigo from both the alcohol and from standing up too fast.

He sauntered over to the bathroom; he had drunk too much. After he was finished with his business, he went to wash his hands. On top of the sink there was a mirror. He looked at the person in it. His black button-up shirt showed signs of money and class along with the necklace he was wearing on which a ring hung. His wavy, blonde hair was stylishly tousled and damp. Many girls fawned over his hair, always putting their hands in it when they made out with him. It annoyed him, unless it was by the one girl he ever loved.

Jace looked into his blood-shot eyes. It was a strange combination: gold and red. To anyone else he probably looked calm and bored, but the truth was far from that.

He wet his hands and brought them up to his face, feeling a little pain as he made contact. His eyes widened. Why did it hurt? He made sure none of the men from earlier had hit him in the face since he would be stopped by the police if he had a black eye or something. He got closer to the mirror and turned his face, squinting to see if he had a cut.

What he saw left him breathless. He had a faint, red outline of a hand-print on his left cheek. A small one. He touched it gingerly. It still felt a little warm. He took a deep breath, remembering what had happened, and shook the thoughts away. The bartender would be waiting.

He made his way to the back alley, almost tripping on discarded cardboard boxes. He opened the door and was hit by cool, fresh air from the night. He shut the door behind him and walked to the middle of the alley, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"I actually thought you were out here for me, but I guess I was wrong, huh?"

Jace opened his eyes and turned towards the voice. Leaning on the wall, smoking a cigarette was the bartender.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and walked over to where she was and smirked. He brought up a hand and trailed his thumb down her jaw. Her breath hitched.

"I don't like smokers," he stated simply and dropped his hand. It was true. He used to smoke himself, but a conversation with a certain red head one day made him quit.

She immediately threw it on the floor and grinded it with her high-heels, effectively putting it out. It was pathetic how easily she submitted to his likings. If it had been Clary, though she would never smoke, she would've blown the smoke straight in his face.

Putting aside those thoughts, he grinned and leaned closer. With his hand, he brushed her hair back, making the access to her neck clear. He placed a small kiss there, making her shiver.

"Do you have a boyfriend...?" he whispered, trailing off since he didn't know her name.

She sighed as he placed another kiss on her neck, this time lower. "The name's Johanna and yes, but he's away in Chicago right now."

He stilled, but quickly regained his composure, despite the rushing images that came to mind.

"Ah, cheating." He sucked on her earlobe, causing her to moan. "Don't you think that's a little unfair to him?" He gripped her waist and pressed himself closer to her.

"There's this saying in Spanish: 'Ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente," she said, breathing unevenly.

"Eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel?" Jace asked. He slipped a hand under her shirt while the other went to her leg and hitched it up to his hip. "So basically what he doesn't know, won't hurt him."

He kissed her on the lips. She moaned. "You didn't strike me as the type that knew Spanish."

"I'm probably nothing of what you think of me." His hand trailed up higher, the edge of her bra between his fingers.

"I guessed right about your being a player," she breathed.

Jace stopped what he was doing for a second. Maybe they were all right about him.

The thought made him mad. He returned to her with more ferocity, attacking her mouth. She wound her hands around his neck, bringing him closer. He tightened his hold on her leg, grinding his hips into her. She moaned louder. His other hand went around to her back, unclasping her bra. He didn't care that they were outside and anyone could pass by and see them. He just wanted to not think about anything.

She arched her back and stuck out her chest. He groped her breast as she skimmed her hands up and down his arms. The pain from his bruises went nearly unnoticed. Doing this was almost as painful as hurting himself.

He sucked on her neck then went back to her lips. As soon as her mouth opened to let him kiss her deeper she gasped a little.

He stopped what he was doing suddenly, immediately sobering up. The gasp. She always did that. Like she was surprised.

He let go of her and stepped back. Johanna looked at him with wide eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked, still panting.

He swallowed, feeling the anger boil up inside of him. Why was he always messing up?

"Yeah, I realized ugly whores are not my type," he said stoically. Her eyes narrowed and she started to fix her bra.

"Hey!" she yelled walking up to him. "You didn't pay for your drinks," she sneered.

He dug into his pocket, taking out a couple of twenties and threw them on the floor in front of her. She gasped. "This isn't a good form of business," he chastised. "Taking the money afterward. I thought that was the first rule in the slut handbook." He shook his head as she gawked at him.

As he walked away, he said, "Also, I'll make sure that your boyfriend finds out that you cheated on him."

He grinned blandly when he saw her face become pale and her eyes water. He didn't know her, he didn't care about what happened to her. He left her out in the alley way as he made his way home.

He was disgusted with himself. Just a few hours before he had gotten into that fight with Clary and now he was making out with some random bartender. About to take it to the next level, even. _That was back then, Jace. Not anymore. Not since Clary. _

In his state of fury, he'd forgotten to take his car and so he was forced to walk home. He could hear the sirens that were constantly on in the city, the occasional cat screeching, and the rush of cars as they passed on the freeway. He tried to tune them out, wanting silence instead.

Half an hour later he arrived at his house. When he graduated from high school the year earlier and entered the university, he bought a house with Isabelle (his adoptive sister), Alec (his adoptive brother), Magnus (Alec's boyfriend), and Clary.

It was a grand Victorian house on the richer side of the city. It had four rooms, one of which was unoccupied since Alec and Magnus shared a room and so did Jace and Clary.

Isabelle and Alec come from a very wealthy family and when Jace was adopted he also inherited the wealth. They liked to live in luxury and so they each also had their own expensive cars.

He passed by the front gate, noticing the lights on in each room. That wasn't very surprising, it was two am on a Saturday night which meant that Isabelle's party was still probably going on. The one he had made a scene in with Clary.

He walked up to the old-fashioned door and opened it.

No one was there. It was completely empty. Jace closed the door cautiously, calling out for anyone.

Alec and Magnus appeared first, coming out of the kitchen. They looked worried, looking at Jace with something like pity.

"What's wrong with you two?" Jace snarled. "You found out it's illegal for you two to get married?" He knew he was being mean to them, but he didn't care. He wanted the whole world to feel like he did.

"Shut up, Jace," Alec said, mildly.

"At least I still have my boyfriend in case I ever did want to get married," Magnus growled.

"What are you talking about?" Jace asked, confused. Isabelle came out of nowhere then, her eyes red and puffy.

"Oh Jace," she whimpered. "I'm sorry. I tried, but she wouldn't listen."

Jace tensed up and glared at her. "Sorry for what, Isabelle?"

She shook her head ruefully. "She's gone," she choked out, a fresh wave of tears spilling out.

All the breath inside of Jace escaped him. "Who's gone?"

She walked slowly to him handing him a folded up paper. They all looked at him with pained expressions.

"What's this?" he asked guardedly, taking it from her hand. He knew what it was, but he didn't want to admit it to himself. _Please don't let it be what I think it is. Not you, too. _

Jace's whole world came tumbling down as Isabelle spoke next.

"I'm so sorry, Jace. Clary's gone."

He could have sworn his heart broke in that moment.

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><p><strong>AN: New story, yay! I have no idea where this story is heading. I just had this scene in my head and I needed to write it, but now I don't know where I am going with it. So stay with me and we'll find out together :D<strong>

**About Avoiding the Inevitable, if you are following that story, so sorry that I haven't updated in three weeks. I promise that I will do it within the next week. I'm kind of having writer's block with it, but I will continue it. Thank you for your patience.**

**Tell me what you thought about this.**

**Please read and REVIEW :D**


	2. Not Perfect

**DISCLAIMER: I most certainly not own anything belonging to The Mortal Instruments or Augustana. **

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><p>Isabelle looked at him through weepy eyes, cracking her fingers, a nervous habit Clary had helped her out of. Meanwhile Magnus and Alec took a seat on the huge leather couch, too exhausted from the day's events.<p>

"Stop your crying, Isabelle," Jace demanded. "She'll probably come back tomorrow." He looked away, afraid his uncertainty would show.

He mentally cursed himself.

He had turned only to find a picture on the wall of him and Clary from when they celebrated their one year anniversary. She was making a duck face as he had his arm around her waist and kissed her on the cheek. They looked so happy and without troubles. _How did it all come to this, then?_

He heard sniffling behind him as Isabelle cried louder.

"That's the thing, Jace," she wept, walking toward Magnus and Alec, situating herself between them. Magnus put an arm around her, pulling her hair away from her face, while Alec patted her back. She looked up at Jace. "She said she wasn't coming back, and you know Clary. Once she says she's not going to do something, she's not about to eat her words and do it."

"Hey, hon, it's fine. Maybe she just needs to vent. She'll be back before you know it," Magnus reassured her. She leaned into him.

"I really doubt that. I mean she looked pretty pissed," Alec said. Everyone stilled. Isabelle slapped his thigh as Magnus glared at him. Alec looked confused.

"Your bluntness is one of the reasons I love you, Alexander, but there are times when it is not required and very unappreciated." Magnus stood up. "Such as now." Alec paled as Magnus took Isabelle out of the room.

Jace went to where they were just seated before they left.

"I think you're right, Alec." He sighed, looking at the note in his hands. "But maybe Isabelle is exaggerating, you know how she is. Clary probably just said she wouldn't be back tonight." Jace tried to put as much hope as he could into his voice, trying to convince both himself and Alec.

He looked up to see Alec looking at him with sad eyes. He shook his head. "You didn't see her before she left, Jace. She was completely destroyed." With that, Alec, too, stood up and left the room, leaving Jace alone.

He leaned back into the couch, trying to find any comfort after everything that had happened. He looked at his surroundings, everything about Clary evident in the paintings on the wall, the numerous pictures. She has to come back. At least for her paintings, the ones she cherished so much.

Looking around he also saw the dark stain on the carpet. He was standing right there, among the countless people, next to the coffee table, when Clary came charging at him and threw the cup of beer at his face. The wild stares from everyone, the loud thrumming music, everything fell away until all he was aware of was Clary. Her glossy eyes, her face completely red, her clenched teeth. Everything about her radiated fury, but in her eyes all he saw was hurt.

He cleared his mind, refusing to think about that moment. It wasn't possible that she wouldn't be able to forgive him. But thinking back too much would convince him otherwise.

He stood up and turned off the light. He'll let everyone else clean the mess up, he didn't want to be in that room.

He trudged upstairs toward his and Clary's room. As he walked in, he noticed that everything was still in it's normal place. He checked the closet and all the drawers, even their bathroom. She hadn't taken anything, except maybe her backpack, which wasn't hanging on the chair at the computer desk like it usually was. Other than that, her toothbrush was still there, so were all her clothes and shoes.

Something about that filled Jace with relief. Surely, she wouldn't leave permanently without her stuff, right?

He went to their bed and slept on Clary's side, taking in the sweet apple scent that still remained on her pillow. It was almost as though she was still there, cuddling next to him.

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><p>"Hey, you've reached Clary, but obviously I didn't answer, so yeah, leave the message after the beep and stuff."<p>

Jace snapped his phone shut. He stopped leaving messages after the fifteenth time he called her. Who knew what he was trying to do. She obviously wasn't going to answer her phone, even after he blocked his number so it wouldn't show up on the caller ID. Maybe he just wanted to hear her voice. Calm and soft, instead of loud and angry like the night before.

He sighed and slumped in his chair. Isabelle was attempting to cook an omelet, but it looked more like vomit than anything else. She turned and looked at him, her eyes still puffy from crying.

"No luck?" she asked. She slid the gooey mess onto her plate and sat down.

He shook his head. "She's avoiding me. Probably all of us since she didn't answer even when I called from your phone."

He took another glance at her plate and grimaced. "You do realize that omelets are meant to be eaten with forks not spoons, right?"

"Well, a fork wouldn't be very useful right now, would it?" she grumbled, putting a spoonful of it into her mouth. It was comical, the way her eyes shot open and her lips pursed. She stood up quickly and spit the 'omelet' in the sink. "I think the eggs are expired," she said as she threw the rest of it away.

He snorted. "Yeah, sure, blame the eggs."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Anyway, like you said, she didn't take any of her stuff. She just grabbed her backpack and left. I think she might be with her mom or Jonathon, maybe."

Jace stretched his arm forward slowly, reaching for an apple from the center of the table. "If you think that, then why were you crying so much last night?"

Isabelle eyed him warily. "I can only hope with Clary, she's so drastic about everything." Jace nodded, agreeing. Suddenly, Isabelle grabbed another apple and threw it at Jace, surprised as he was, he still managed to move out of the way, but not before it clipped him on the shoulder.

He stood up, enraged. "Why the hell did you do that? I knew you were bipolar, but I didn't think it was this severe." He rubbed his shoulder.

"What's wrong with your arm?" she asked smartly.

"Alzheimer's too?" he grumbled. "You just threw a damn apple at me."

"Any other time, you would've grabbed it out of the air. Then, when you were reaching for one, you did it slowly, like it hurt you," she stated. "What's wrong with your arm?" she repeated. Isabelle crossed her arms and looked at him expectantly. It was times like that, that reminded Jace of how much Isabelle looked like Maryse. Lethal.

He sat down in the chair again, giving up. There was no point in lying about it. He lifted the sleeve of his shirt, exposing the purple bruises lining his arms. Isabelle gasped silently and walked over to him, grabbing his arm. She trailed her hand down. Jace closed his eyes.

The next thing he felt was Isabelle slapping his arm. He winced and opened his eyes.

"Now what?" he yelled.

"Why did you do this?" she exclaimed. "You got in a fight didn't you?" She sighed, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. "Don't think I don't remember. Every time you and Clary argued you would always go off trying to pick a fight like a rabid dog." She shook her head. "I thought you changed from that, Jace." She looked at him with sad eyes.

He looked away. It was one thing to be pitied, and an entirely different thing to be judged. He didn't like either one.

"Well, maybe I haven't changed one bit," he said bitterly, referring to more than just his fighting.

She shook her head and stood up, walking towards the door. "You should go check with Jocelyn, then. Try doing something productive instead of moping around." She left.

"Hypocrite," he mumbled under his breath. She was right, though. He had never been this inactive in his life. All morning he had been calling Clary, just moving from room to room, laying or sitting down. Magnus and Alec walked in and out the house busily, while he remained just wandering around aimlessly.

_Very well then, I shall go_. He took a bite out of his apple, the smell reaching his nose, which in turn brought memories of Clary and her perfume Be Delicious. He managed a small smile.

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><p>Luckily, Jonathon was with Jocelyn so he didn't have to make another trip. Not so luckily, was what they had to tell him.<p>

"What did you do to her?" Jonathon yelled accusingly.

Jace took a step back away from him. "Why don't you put that screwdriver down, Jonathon, before you stab yourself with it?" he said calmly. Jonathon had been there to help Jocelyn assemble a a giant shelf for her room and was now holding the screwdriver menacingly towards Jace.

"I'll put the screwdriver down as soon as you tell me what you did to my sister to make her just leave and not tell anyone," he sneered.

Jocelyn grabbed Jonathon's arm and lowered it. "Don't be rash, Jonathon. Let's hear what Jace has to say." She looked back to Jace and raised her eyebrows, gesturing for him to go on.

Jace shot Jonathon a superior look then went back to Jocelyn. He looked at her and saw so much of Clary, her red hair, her green eyes, that he could barely suppress the images of Clary that sprang up in his mind. He shook his head to clear his mind. He couldn't be thinking about that when he had to make up a lie so that they didn't forbid him from ever seeing Clary again. Not that that would ever stop him, but he still wanted to be on their good side.

"We got into a little argument at home last night," which wasn't a lie, except for the 'little' part. He continued, "we threw some nasty words at each other, and then I left the house because I needed some air. She stayed though, and when I went back a few hours later, she wasn't there anymore."

He rubbed his hands on his face, trying to erase those horrible moments from his mind.

"That's really all that happened," he lied. He shrugged and looked up at them again.

Jonathon was still looking at him with accusing eyes and Jocelyn was just silent. Calm.

"What was the argument about?" Jocelyn finally asked. She crossed her arms, as though she knew that it was all Jace's fault.

He sighed. "It wasn't really that important, it's just that this time we really got to each other, and Clary finally decided to leave I guess." Which was an entire lie. Clary had shouted at him before, but she had never threatened to leave, and the fights were never really this extreme. But he couldn't tell Jocelyn and Jonathon why they fought.

Just the fact that Clary knew made Jace cringe and regret that he had ever done anything. But the good thing was that only they knew. No one else did. He wasn't expecting to change that any time soon either.

Jonathon brought the screwdriver back up. "Did you hit her?"

Furious, Jace's eyes widened. He straightened up and looked at Jonathon with a cold stare. "I would never do something like that. I don't care what you think about me, Jonathon, but I would never hurt Clary. And what happened between me and your sister is between us." He looked at him with disgust then turned to Jocelyn, who was now looking at him with contemplating eyes.

"I just wanted to know if she had come over to stay with you two or if you had seen her. I swear that I didn't hurt her." _physically_, he thought.

"I know you didn't, but give her time, Jace. She'll come to a decision eventually. Until then all we can do is wait," Jocelyn said softly.

Jace didn't like her suggestion, but he wanted to leave already, so he just nodded and left without another word.

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><p>Jace didn't know what to do as soon as he got home. He felt that urge again, to go punch something until he couldn't anymore, but he knew Isabelle wouldn't let him back in the house if he did. He heard Magnus and Alec speaking in the kitchen; Magnus flamboyantly and Alec quietly.<p>

Jace envied them their relationship. Whenever they fought, Magnus always knew exactly what to say to make Alec forgive him and vice versa. Whenever he and Clary fought, harsh words flew out of Jace's mouth and he couldn't help it, they spilled out unfiltered and always left Clary even more angry than she had been to begin with. Clary always just walked away and refused to talk.

He walked to their room silently, hoping to avoid them. As soon as he walked in, he saw the note on the bed. It had been there all morning. He'd refused to read it, thinking it would make it official that she did leave him. He walked over and grabbed it, then lied down.

He played with it in his hands, throwing it back and forth. It was folded up, the way Clary always folded her notes. He laughed silently, remembering when Clary used to leave him notes all around the house just so he could find them. She'd stopped doing it when Isabelle found one of the notes and saw a drawing of Clary and Jace kissing intimately. She'd been so embarrassed when Isabelle told her that it was an interesting way of stashing her porn and a good alternative to sex tapes.

Eventually, he pulled the little triangle out of the pocket it was in and the note opened up halfway. Could he really do this? Did he really want to know Clary's final thoughts before she left the house and him? No, he didn't, but if it helped in him finding her and bringing her back then he had to.

He sat up and slowly opened the note to its entirety. Her small quick strokes and the ridges he felt in the back of the thin paper suggested she had still been very angry and she'd written it in haste. It took up the entire page, making him even more tentative in reading it. He began:

_Jace,_

_When we we first started going out, I was amazed because I didn't think I could ever have a guy like you. You seemed so nice, so smart, so caring, everything about you was perfect. I, on the other hand, was not. The fact that you had chosen me made me so happy and I couldn't think of ever being with another person. But we both had opposite ideas, it seems. Even after all this time, I'm glad that I am leaving you, Jace. I was so wrong about you. You're not perfect. You're not nice, or smart, or caring. I was deluded in thinking that you were any of those things, but I know now, Jace. I know what a horrible person you are now and I am glad that I am never going to see you again. I'm not coming back, but I guess you might be a little happy about that, aren't you? _

_You're free now, Jace._

_-Clary_

The note dropped from Jace's hands to his lap, her words running over and over in his head like a broken record. He stared ahead blankly, feeling only his heart constricting and the small ache in his throat.

_I was only ever free with you, Clary, I'm so sorry._

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><p>"Passengers in rows 13 to 26 may now board the plane," the woman standing next to the terminal announced.<p>

Clary put on her backpack, feeling the familiar weight between her shoulder blades. She walked up to the line that was forming and stood there. She looked around at the other people: mothers trying to calm their children, teenagers with their iPods on and their earphones blasting, and couples. Couples all over; holding hands, talking, hugging. She looked away from all of them quickly, focusing instead on the back of the head of the person in front of her.

_I am independent woman. I don't need a man. I can survive on my own. _Clary repeated those words over and over until she felt confident enough and believed them. The line advanced steadily until she approached the flight attendant. She took Clary's ticket and said the required 'Have a nice flight'. Clary nodded absently and made her way to the plane.

She sat down in her seat and as soon as the plane started down the runway, she put on her earphones, playing Boston by Augustana. The destination wasn't the same, but the meaning was.

_I think I'll start a new life, _

_I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name._

She was done with it all, she was ready to leave and just live her life.

_I think that I'm just tired,_

_I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind._

It was all she wanted, to leave it all in the past and move forward.

_You don't know me, you don't even care._

_Where no one knows my name._

She closed her eyes and let one final tear drop. It would be the last one she ever let fall because of him.

It was her chance to make a new beginning.

A new beginning without Jace.

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><p><strong>AN: I didn't realize a month had almost passed since I wrote the first chapter so I hope you guys can still remember what happened. And sorry about the very late update, I promise I'll try to writer faster. <strong>

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Read & Review. [Please] :D**

**Also, if you have time, can you guys go check out my one-shot [also TMI] 'Just A Chance'? It's my first ever and I would love some more feedback :D Thanks.**


	3. Resolution

**DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. Or do I? Ha! Nah, I kid. I really don't. **

**Oh yeah, memories and journal entries are in first person. **

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><p>Two Weeks Later<p>

ALEC

"Grab his arm and put it around you," Alec told Magnus. Alec grabbed Jace's other arm and put it around his neck. Together they stood up and hauled a very drunk, beaten up Jace to their Escalade.

"I can't believe he did this again. I mean, hasn't he learned from all these past nights?" Alec said, exasperated. They picked Jace up and put him in the backseat. Alec went to the driver's seat and Magnus to the passenger's. Alec started the car and drove his way home.

Magnus reached over and brushed a finger on Alec's cheek. The gesture made Alec flush and wonder how he ever managed to get Magnus. He was so wonderful, so full of life and spirit. And Alec was...well he was the way he was.

"He's torn right now. Broken. How would you feel if I left all of the sudden and left you all alone after all these years." He held his hand. "You have to imagine what he's going through."

Alec nodded. It was true. He'd probably be doing the same if it happened to him. But he'd hide it better.

"But still, I agree with you. All this saving Jace from getting arrested and killed is starting to make its mark on me." Magnus ran his hand through his hair. "I can almost feel the gray hairs growing. I'm too young for this." He sighed.

"I wish he would just go out and do something else to get his mind off her, though, instead of picking all these fights and getting drunk."

"Get your ugly face away from me...you stupid duck," Jace slurred from the backseat. Alec glanced back when they were at a stoplight. Jace was lying down with his arm covering his face. His shirt was riding up, exposing his abs and the bruises that were starting to form. He was lucky that Alec and Magnus had gotten there on time.

They had just barely kicked Jace out of the bar and into an alley. They found him with five guys surrounding him. Some with knives and others with just their fists. Luckily, they were kind of short and Alec and Magnus had intimidated them. That, and Magnus threatened to sue the bar and have it shut down if they didn't let Jace go so the owner came out and told them he had called the police.

As soon as they got home, Isabelle came running out and unleashed her fury.

"Didn't I tell you guys to wait for me?" she yelled. "I go upstairs to grab my shoes and I come back to find the car and you guys gone! Who does that? I was the one that told you guys where Jace was, anyway!"

"If we'd waited for you to find the perfect shoes to match your underwear or whatever, then Jace could've died," Alec said. "So yes, we left without you."

Isabelle took a look at Jace and shook her head, both anger and pity in her eyes. She walked back inside and went into her room without a single word which was surprising.

Together they hauled Jace again and brought him into the house. Jace kept on hitting him and Magnus as they went up the stairs. As soon as they got to the door to his bedroom, Jace placed his palms on the wall and anchored his feet to the floor.

"Jace, if you don't get in there right now I am going to knock you out and leave you here on the floor!" Magnus yelled as he pushed against Jace's back.

Alec was trying to pry Jace's hands off the wall, but he wouldn't budge. Weren't drunk people supposed to be really weak? Maybe Jace was the only exception.

"No! Take me downstairs!" Jace kicked Alec in the shin, to which he responded by making a fist and punching Jace's hand, which was still glued to the wall.

Jace cried out and lifted his hand to look at the bruise.

They took the opportunity to pretty much tackle him and push him in causing him to fall. They then blocked the doorway when Jace tried to crawl back out.

"The guest room. Not here," Jace begged, after futile attempts to pass through them. He sat down and put his head in his hands, his golden locks spilling over his fingers. His body shaking as silent sobs racked through him. "There's too much of her here," he whispered.

Alec wanted to go over to him and comfort him and maybe even take him to the guest room. Magnus saw this and put a hand on his arm. He shook his head.

He closed the door and they stood outside silently.

Finally, Magnus spoke. "It's been two weeks already, Alec. He can't spend his entire time in the guest room and in bars. He has to start getting over her, and the first step in doing that is coming to terms with the fact that she left him and she's probably not going to come back. He needs to start getting his life back."

Alec looked toward the door wistfully, hoping that Jace would remember that there are still people that care about him and want to help him. _Clary wasn't the only one that cared about you. I still do, too._

"I know, but it's hard. This Jace is so vulnerable."

Magnus grabbed Alec's hand and led them downstairs. "He'll come around. He just needs some more time. Before you know it, he's going to be talking about how gorgeous he is and go back to playing the piano."

Alec had known Jace longer, though, and when Clary entered his life Alec knew that Jace was forever changed. He wouldn't go back to that. Not without Clary by his side.

[]D [] []V[] []D

JACE

Something stiff scratched at Jace's cheek. He opened his eyes to a slit and noticed the world was sideways. He blinked a couple of times and then sat up when he realized he was on the floor. A wave of vertigo hit him and he had a huge headache. He had gotten used to the hangovers by then, but he still hated them. He rubbed his cheek a little and felt the small imprints the carpet had left on his skin.

He took a deep breath and looked around. He was in his, and _her_, room. He pondered for a moment how he got in there. He remembered being at the bar and then punching a guy after he looked at him nastily. Then he was outside and after that – nothing.

But even then, he knew even his unconscious mind wouldn't have made the mistake of going up to that room. He would've just collapsed in the guest room, like he had been for the past two weeks. He'd have to ask someone later what happened.

He stood up and stretched, his eyes widening when he feels pain shooting through his abdomen and arms. He lifted his shirt and saw a few cuts and bruises. He winced. Must've been a crazy night.

Slowly, Jace turned around so that he could face the room in its entirety. He felt a different pain going through him then. Not a physical one. He wanted to leave, to just close the door and not come back, but something was grounding him there. Even if he tried, he doubted he would have been able to move from that spot.

He thought for sure she would have been back by then, but he was starting to believe that maybe he had finally done it. He had finally driven her away. It was only a matter of time, he guessed. He never got to keep what he loved the most.

He finally found the will to move. He made his way to the table next to the bed and picked up a picture of Clary, from back when they were in high school. She hadn't wanted to take a picture, so Jace snuck up to her and snapped it when she was laughing from something Magnus had said. It was the perfect picture. Clary didn't like it so much, saying that her eyes were too closed and her mouth was too open, but Jace loved it. It showed the real her. The person she was when she was the most happy.

Until he had to come and ruin it.

Instantly, the rage took over. He threw the frame on the floor, breaking the glass. He was mad that she was gone, mad that she hadn't let him explain, mad that he was still there in the house while she was somewhere that no one knew about, but mostly he was mad at himself. For being so, so stupid.

He grabbed a lamp and threw it at a wall causing bits and pieces of glass to scatter across the floor. He opened the closet and yanked all of Clary's clothes out. Just throwing them wherever, he didn't care, and it's not like she would either since she wasn't even there.

His hands tightened into fists and he punched the closest thing, which just happened to be the wall. He left a huge hole, something Isabelle would probably be pissed about, but he didn't give it a second thought. He barely even felt the pain as blood trickled out of his fresh wounds.

He strode towards the bed and yanked the sheets off, the pillows flying. Finally, he put his fingers under the mattress and lifted it off. It tumbled to the other side of the room and landed on the floor with a low thump. Jace was about to kick the bed-frame when he noticed something green out of the corner of his eye.

He stopped what he was doing and stared at it. It was a notebook of some sort, but it was fancier than the ones you get for school. It was just lying there on top of what remained of the bed. He wondered how long it had been there, especially since it had been under the bed on Clary's side.

Gingerly, he picked it up and read the words that were scrawled on top in black sharpie: **My Life After Jace**

What was this? Clearly it was Clary's, but he didn't know she kept a journal. Especially one that mentioned him in the title.

He waited a while just to make sure that no one was coming. He was surprised when no one did. They were probably gone because it was impossible for them not to hear what he had done to the room.

He opened it and a few pages fell out. He picked them up hastily and put them back in the journal. He noticed some of them had drawings and others had pages full of writing.

He felt as though he was intruding on her privacy, but after debating a few moments with himself he decided he would read it. It's not like she would ever know, he thought ruefully.

[]D [] []V[] []D

CLARY

Clary sat next to one of the pillars at the Lincoln memorial, her sketchpad perched on her lap and a pencil at her ready hand. She was trying to draw it, but people kept on passing by and obstructing her view therefore making it impossible for her to even concentrate on drawing. Sure, blame it on that, she thought with a grimace.

She abandoned the attempt after a few moments and eventually stuffed her things into her backpack and stood up. She walked in front of the memorial where countless tourists were taking pictures.

_I bet even even that statue isn't 'bigger' than me_, she could imagine Jace saying. She smiled a little before she caught herself and mentally slapped herself. _Stop it, Clary. Don't think about him. _

"Excuse me, miss." She snapped out of her thinking and looked at the young woman in front of her. She had long brown hair and blue eyes and was probably not even that much older than her. She had a camera in her hands and was looking at Clary hopefully. "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but could you please take a picture of me and my boyfriend?" She gestured to the guy standing next to her. A blonde. She almost scowled, but decided against it.

She would be nice. She mustered all the energy that she could and smiled. "It's fine, yeah, sure." She took the camera and the couple went to stand a few feet away. They put their arms around each others waist and smiled.

She looked at the little screen and snapped the picture, all while thinking, _Don't you guys know? Love doesn't last forever. _

"Thank you so much!" the lady said, as Clary handed the camera back.

"No problem," she whispered once they had already left.

For a moment Clary looked at their retreating figures and wondered what it would have been like if she had come with someone, also.

Well, no need to dwell on that. Clary turned and starting walking down the steps, already thinking about what she was going to do next. She was pretty much living the Bohemian lifestyle, even if it wasn't the way that had always dreamed about.

[]D [] []V[] []D

JACE

The first entry was dated to September 18, 2007. In fact, it was just a few days after they met.

_Flashback_

I was waiting in line at the Java Joint, behind this little red headed girl. It was taking forever and I knew Kaelie wasn't very patient and she would soon storm in if I didn't hurry up, but the line wasn't moving very fast.

The girl in front of me kept on tapping her feet and moving from side to side. It was as though she had already had her dose of coffee for the day, but her restless moving made me more and more impatient as the time passed.

Finally, I got annoyed and I put both my hands on her shoulders. She froze. I leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

"I've seen kids with ADHD that can stand still longer than you."

She whirled around and I was met with the brightest emerald eyes I had ever seen. She looked at me in disbelief.

"I can't believe you just touched me," she said to me. She poked me hard in the chest and said, "One: You don't know me ,and two: this is a free country so I can do whatever I want. And if you so dare to touch me one more time I swear I will call the police on you for being a public nuisance."

Her lips settled into a hard line and she stared back at me defiantly. I was amused. No girl had ever yelled at me. Well, there was Isabelle, but she was my sister so that didn't count.

"Oh, no," I said tauntingly. "We have a feisty redhead on the loose. Whatever shall we do?"

She scowled and turned back around. It was almost her turn to order.

I continued speaking. "You know, I think this is the first time a girl has ever looked at me and not gasped or shielded their eyes from seeing too much gorgeous and immediately dropped to my feet to fulfill my every need."

I heard her scoff and she said, without turning around, "If most girls were anywhere near as smart as me, then you would be the loneliest man on earth."

She did turn then and met my eyes full on. "You see, I'm not stupid, therefore I am immune to your stupid charms." Even though she said it with malice, I could see that she had a smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"Oh, well aren't we being cocky, thinking yourself to be smarter than everyone else?" I teased. Weird, usually I only turned on my charms when I was at with really hot girls. This redhead was pretty, but not exactly hot.

"You're one to talk."

"Next," the cashier called. She turned and stepped up to the counter before I could say anything back.

She ordered her coffee and as soon as they gave it to her she turned to leave. I stopped her before she could.

"Can you tell me your name? Or should I just refer to you as the feisty redhead?"

She raised her eyebrows. "You say it like we're going to see each other again."

I smiled at her and shrugged. "You never know."

She let a small smile slip back and said, "Well, as appealing as that nickname sounds, I think I would prefer it if you just called me Clary. That is," she continued, "if we ever happen to run into each other again, which is like a one in a million chance of ever happening." With that she walked away.

It bothered me some that she hadn't asked for my name in return and for some reason I had forgotten to mention it.

_Flashback_

Jace smiled at the memory. She really had been feisty and it made him want to know more about her.

He had finally finished cleaning the room and went to grab the journal from where he had left it on the desk. He took it to the bed and he sat down. Again he opened it and looked at the first entry. It was on one of the pages that were ripped out which led him to believe that they were from another journal and Clary had ripped them out to include them in this journal.

He took a deep breath and started to read. He always wondered what she had thought of him after their first meetings after all.

_September 18, 2007_

I saw him again today.

I mean, it was so unrealistic. At first I thought I was just imagining things. It had been happening for a while anyway. Every time I saw a guy with blonde hair, I would try to see his face to see if it was him, but it never was.

And then today I was at the park sketching the pond and the ducks when I heard him. He was walking down the paths that run through the park and he was talking on his phone.

His hair was shining in the sunlight and he was dressed very normally; just some dark blue jeans and a plain white shirt. I didn't even realize I was staring at him until his gold eyes turned in my direction. They are so amazing. His eyes. I have never seen eyes like his, but they were so pretty. I didn't want to admit it, but when I saw him in that coffee shop, I nearly did like he claimed all other girls did and gasped.

He started walking towards me and he hung up.

He smiled and I quickly tried to keep my emotions in check.

"Well, hello there, Clary." He reached where I was and I stood up, trying to keep my face from flushing. "What was that thing you said? That there was only a one in a million chance of us meeting again?"

When I didn't say anything, he said, "You are one lucky girl, in that case."

I couldn't believe he said that. He really was arrogant. I had actually thought that maybe it was a one time thing, but apparently it was his actual personality.

"I think the lucky one is you. I was already here, but you managed to find me anyway."

He smiled widely and I noticed that one of his teeth was chipped. It made him more beautiful, somehow.

"No, I've heard that when girls want a guy so much that it's possible for them to create some type of magnetic pull and get the guy to come to them." He shrugged. "Maybe that's how I ended up here."

Despite the fact that I actually wanted to snap at him, I felt a smile creeping onto my face. "You are so full of yourself."

"Being full of myself would imply that only I think that I'm gorgeous and sexy." He shook his head. He pointed at himself. "Believe me when I say that I am not the only one that thinks that. Though I don't think I'll need too much to convince you of that." He winked.

Ha! He was saying that I was one of ones who thought that too.

Well, he wasn't very far off, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

I finally asked him for his name and he told me it was Jace. It has got to be one of the weirdest names I've ever head. But at the same time it fits him.

He seems like the type that makes trouble and revels in it, but that could be nice when he wanted to. In fact, he bought me a strawberry shortcake ice cream. I thought he was making fun of me because of my red hair and for being really short, but then he told me that it was really sweet and sometimes bitter like me.

And, well, now it's become my favorite ice cream. It seems really weird to me, but I kind of liked him and now every time I get that ice cream I'll remember him.

Well, enough of me being mushy, which is really not me (in fact, I think Simon would kill me if he ever found out).

Time to go, Mom and Jon want me to help them paint the house.

[]D [] []V[] []D

Jace closed the journal. He did remember that. He had been talking to Kaelie on the phone. She was mad because he told her that he wouldn't be able to go to her house that night. He had to go out with Alec and Isabelle.

Then he saw her, Clary. She was sitting down next to the pond, her hair swaying lightly in the wind. He couldn't believe his luck. He really thought he was never going to see her again and the thought kept on invading his mind ever since he had first seen her. But then he saw her green eyes staring at him and it was like the universe finally decided that maybe he deserved something good in his life.

Jace set the journal down, but then something on the back caught his attention. There, it said** Places I Will Go** and it listed cities and countries. The first four were there in the US.

What if...? Could it be? Would Clary really go to these places? There was only one thing to do, in fact it was so obvious that Jace couldn't believe he hadn't thought about it before.

He quickly turned on his laptop and went to the internet. He went to the bank's website and after almost an hour and several attempts to just give up he finally hacked into Clary's account. It wasn't all that hard actually. Her password was mygoldenboy16.

It made Jace smile. The golden boy was obviously him, since she was always calling him that, and 16 was probably from how old they were when they first met.

He looked into her recent activity and found that she had bought a plane ticket to Washington DC a couple of weeks before. The night she left. It corresponded with the first place on the list and so he decided to take the risk and see if he could follow her and find her.

Once Jace was done with that, he felt relieved and felt adrenaline pumping through his blood. He might find her. He might get her back.

He read through the first entry again, hoping that maybe he would be able to make her feel like that again.

As he neared the end of the page, he saw something that he had glossed over and was now stuck in his mind as he contemplated it.

Who the hell was Simon?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey, you guys. So, what's up? Anyway, so I just really suck at updating, right? I know, but don't worry, not a day goes by that I am not thinking about this, so don't think that I'm just dilly-dallying around doing nothing. I actually care about you guys and the fact that people actually want to read on. <strong>

**It just makes me so happy :D Which reminds me, Thanks to all the people that have reviewed so far and that have added this story to their alerts and faves. That is, like, extremely awesome. **

**So please tell me what you thought and REVIEW :D**


	4. Secrets

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING MORTAL INSTRUMENTS RELATED.**

* * *

><p><strong>JACE<strong>

Jace was packing a few clothes and shoes into a small black duffel bag when someone knocked on his door.

"Come in," he said, distractedly. He only packed three pairs of jeans and shirts; he didn't expect to be gone that long.

He heard the door open, but he didn't hear any footsteps. He looked up to see who it was and saw Magnus standing at the door with his arms crossed.

Magnus raised an eyebrow and said, "Why are you so...giddy? You're practically glowing." He made a face of mock astonishment. "You're not pregnant are you? How tragic," he exclaimed as he walked over to his bed and flopped down. "A baby on the way and your lover has left you!"

Jace stopped what he was doing, which was tugging on a black leather jacket. "Ha ha. You are hilarious." He rolled his eyes. "And Jace Lightwood is never 'giddy'," he said with disgust. He mentally shuddered at the thought of himself being giddy. It sounded like he would be frolicking around the room just dilly-dallying...whatever that meant.

"I'm assuming you're not here to admire my handsome ruggedness, so what do you want?" Jace asked as he zipped the duffel bag up.

Magnus sat up and was staring at him curiously. "I didn't think you would be here, honestly, since this is usually the time you escape to indulge in your vices, and you're not rugged."

"You can't deny that I am handsome, though," Jace pointed out with a smirk. It'd been a while since he had spoken with any real conviction. He liked it. He decided to ignore the first part that Magnus said. "What do you want?" he repeated.

"I was just checking in on you since you were so wasted last night," Magnus answered warily. It crossed Jace's mind that it was probably Magnus who had dumped him in his room, then.

"Well, I'm good, safe, and sober," he responded. He left the room to go into the bathroom and grab his other necessities. When he came back in Magnus had already opened his duffel bag and was prying through Jace's things. "Where did you guys go?"

"I think the better question is where are _you_ going?" Magnus asked as he pulled out Clary's journal. Jace snatched it out of Magnus' hands before he could even read the title. He put it under his arm so that Magnus wouldn't be able to see any of it.

"I didn't know you kept a journal."

"It's not mine."

Magnus rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "Fine, whatever, that doesn't matter. So tell me, where are you going?"

Jace put the journal back into the bag and then put it over his shoulder. He smiled widely. "I know where Clary is."

Magnus stared at him incredulously. "You know where our little red head went?"

Jace walked out of his room, Magnus following him, and walked down the stairs to where Alec and Isabelle were in the living room.

They both stared at Jace in shock.

"Oh, hey you're here," Isabelle said a bit warily, like she was scared, kind of. Had Jace really been that bad those past two weeks? That they expected him to be gone?

"Yeah," he sat down in the couch opposite them. "I have something to tell you guys."

"He's found Clary and he's going to go get her," Magnus announced as he sat next to Alec.

"I think you missed the part where I said _I_ had something to tell them," Jace pointed out. Alec's eyes widened and Isabelle looked a little...apprehensive? Jace was expecting a much more enthusiastic reaction, but they just stayed quiet and eyed him warily. "You know, it worries me that you guys haven't been concerned about Clary's whereabouts these past couple weeks."

Isabelle quickly glanced from his duffel bag and then back to his eyes and said, "Of course we worried about her! But..." she looked down at her hands.

She looked guilty and Jace had no idea why. Maybe she really did hate Clary. It's not like Isabelle was very accepting of Clary when they first met. Isabelle was hostile and tried time after time to tell Clary that they weren't good for each other. And maybe she was right. _No, _Jace thought, _I've made mistakes, but we belong together. _But maybe Clary was too good for him and he didn't deserve her. Wait, no. If he could just explain.

Trying to get away from his thoughts, he prodded, "But what? If you're going to say that you're glad she left then I don't want to hear it."

"Jace, you know none of us would ever think that," Alec reasoned.

Magnus nodded in assent and ran a hand through his clean hair like he was tired.

Isabelle finally looked up in annoyance and then resolutely said, "It's not that. She texted us last night saying she was fine and to _not _worry." For a second she looked shocked at what she had just said, but then sighed. "She said she didn't know when she'd be back from Washington DC," again she looked like she had done something wrong, but at least now he knew he was going to the right place,"but she was probably going to miss this semester of school and when she came back she was going back to live with her mom."

"I would've liked to have been informed of this text," Magnus quipped, with only slight annoyance in his voice.

Jace sat quietly, feeling like he had been punched in the gut, but one look at his eyes would've immediately given away that he was fuming. His mouth set in a straight line.

Ignoring Magnus and the second part of what Isabelle said – he didn't want to think of that – he exclaimed, "It is now 9 pm, an entire day since she said that and you are just now telling me this?" He stood up hastily and shook his head, as though the sight of the people sitting in front of him repulsed him. "I don't have time for this. I have to get up early tomorrow so I'm going to sleep. Don't bother waking me, _unless_ Clary decides to chat you up again." Isabelle rolled her eyes and muttered, "Drama queen," thinking Jace couldn't hear it, but he did.

With his duffel bag left on the floor near the edge of the sofa, Jace trudged upstairs, anger and frustration coursing through him. Why didn't they tell him before? Then maybe he wouldn't have to go after her. Maybe he could have talked to her and told her that he loved her and he _needed_ her back. Not want. Want would imply that their relationship was based on lust and superficiality, and it was much more than that. Jace needed her, like he needed oxygen, or sunlight, or his heart to live. And Clary was just that: she lived in his heart, she completely owned him, and he would do anything for her, so long as she came back to him.

[]D [] []V[] []D

Later that night, after Jace had unsuccessfully tried to fall asleep, he walked back downstairs barefoot with only his pajama bottoms on. He couldn't fall asleep. He didn't know what he would do as soon as he got to Washington DC, where would he start? And what worried him most was what he would do if – when he found Clary.

He sat on the sofa and reached into his bag and took out Clary's journal. He hadn't read anymore after that first entry, even though he was dying to know who Simon was, for he had begun to plan out his journey to find Clary. A very unorganized, mostly make up on the way type of plan.

He looked at the cover again and touched the title of the journal with his fingertips, almost as though he could feel when Clary had written them. He sighed and opened the journal to where he had left off.

_September 28, 2007_

Could I have been any more stupid? I'm so mad right now. At myself!

I was with Jace again at that coffee shop, this time I had called him to meet up there because I'm transferring to his school, St. Xavier. And no, before you start, it's not because of him. I was actually already starting the process of transferring except I need to get my vaccinations and I'm not allowed to go in until Monday.

He told me he went there with his siblings and that he'd make sure that I would fit in quickly and I thought that was really nice of him so I called him so that we could talk about what classes I could take. I'm so stupid. He'd been so nice to me, of course with the occasional – more like every sentence was laced with – cockiness. We texted almost every day, just to talk and I was really starting to like him _like him. _Wow, that sounded very childish. But I'm stupid.

I was sitting down already when he got there. I had already ordered his drink, an iced mocha cappuccino. I know, pathetic of me to memorize his favorite drink.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted with a dangerous smile. Scratch that, he just smiled, and then sat down in front of me at the little table. "What's a fine young thing like you doing here alone?"

I felt the heat start to rush up to my cheeks so I turned away and sipped away at my own cappuccino.

"Actually, I'm not alone," I answered, "I'm waiting for a fine young man to come for me at any moment now." I hid my smile by drinking more of my cappuccino.

He scoffed. When I looked up he had his arms crossed and was looking at me with knowing eyes. Then he smirked and remarked, "You know, I'm starting to get tired of you not properly responding to my advances."

I started to laugh and nearly spilled my cappuccino all over the table and his face via my nose. That would've been embarrassing.

"I've already told you, smart girls like me don't fall for guys like you."

"That's where you're wrong," he pointed out and smiled widely. "I saw you blushing a moment ago. You _like _me." And then he started to drink his cappuccino like what he had just said was a common thing for him to say. It probably was.

By then my entire face was probably the color of my hair. "You couldn't be more wrong, Jace." More like, you couldn't be more _right. _ I'm so stupid! "Anyway," I said, before he could go off on how it was impossible for him to be undesirable to anyone. "I asked you to come so that we could talk about school."

He groaned and slouched in his chair. "I don't want to talk about school, let's avoid talking about school until you actually get there." Then he leaned forward and looked me straight in the eye with so much intensity that I literally felt like he was trying to put me in a trance or something. He stayed liked that until he finally pulled back, looking like he was satisfied and said in a nonchalant manner, "I want to talk about how much you like me and how I make you feel butterflies in your stomach."

"If you make me feel anything in my stomach it's that feeling you get when you're about to throw up. That's how much you repulse me," I retorted. But I was smiling. That's how it was with us. We can taunt each other, but it's all playing around.

Then his phone started to ring. He took it out of his pocket and with one look at the screen his eyes widened like he was scared.

He quickly answered, "Hey, what's up?" I heard a teeny little voice and then I saw a girl walk in through the door of the cafe.

"Jace!" she practically yelled. Jace turned around and it was like as if he had been slapped. He quickly regained his composure and then stood up and approached her before she could get to us. I was frozen into place.

As I looked at them, I noticed how they were a little too close and the girl was looking at him with such anger. Jace was trying to calm her down. And then I noticed: they were beautiful, both of them. She had long, blonde hair and her eyes were an intense blue. She had sunglasses perched up on her head and was wearing a short mini skirt and a red top, but it didn't look slutty. She looked like a model: really tall, long legs, flawless skin, and just overall beautiful.

I felt inadequate all of the sudden, worthless. How could I ever compare to her? I'm short, I have red hair, it's frizzy, I have a million freckles, and my green eyes aren't even the pretty kind. They were just lifeless. And I know I don't dress like a model. I'm used to my skinny jeans and my graphic t-shirts and black converse. I wore the same style almost everyday. I wasn't anything compared to her.

When it looked like she had finally calmed down, they both walked over to me. I quickly stood up and I felt like a midget. Jace is probably close to 6 feet and the girl was wearing heels so she was close to his height. I barely even reached Jace's chest.

I smiled a little. "Hi," I said.

"Um," Jace said, biting his lip, "This is Kaelie...my girlfriend." Of course she was.

Kaelie stuck out her hand and I shook it, kind of weakly, I'll admit. I was still – in shock, I guess. She smiled, revealing perfect, straight white teeth and then said in a perfect sweet voice, "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were just a friend of Jace's from school. I'm kind of paranoid with him. Clary, right?"

She put her arm around his waist and after a few seconds he put his around her shoulders. They looked like a perfect couple. I don't even know why I even let myself think I might've had a chance with Jace.

"Oh, no, I understand, and yeah, short for Clarissa," I responded. I noticed Jace was silent and kind of tense. He knew all of this was awkward, but in all fairness he was the one flirting with me! He's a player, and I kind of feel bad for Kaelie having to deal with him.

"But we were just talking about school," I said. "That's it," I added, looking at Jace. He nodded. "I have to go now. Nice meeting you Kaelie," I smiled and then turned to walk away.

"Clary, wait!" I heard Jace say from behind me. I stopped and turned around. Kaelie had already occupied my former seat. He stood in front of me, not really looking me in the eyes. "I'm sorry about this, but I'll see you at school Monday, right?"

I nodded stiffly. "Right." And then I turned and left.

I feel so stupid. Of course he has a girlfriend. Why wouldn't he? He's perfect. And she's perfect. They deserve to be with each other. And I'm stupid for even entertaining the thought of me with him.

And I left my cappuccino. Ugh.

[]D[][]V[][]D

Oh, Clary. Jace couldn't stand it anymore. That day had gone horribly, Kaelie calling him saying she saw him with a girl at the cafe, her bursting in and accusing him of cheating, and then finally having to let Clary leave.

He dropped the journal. He didn't know how much more he could read if he was left feeling like that. He took deep breaths. But that entry had only reinforced his decision to go for her.

There was a soft knock at the door. For a second, Jace thought it could be Clary and his heart raced with the thought. Only she would be coming so late, right? Maybe she changed her mind and decided to give him a second chance. He nearly ran to the door and ripped it off the hinges in his haste to open it.

But in front of him was someone he didn't ever want to see again. Not since she was the cause of his problems. Not since she fucking ruined everything.

"Kaelie."

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> _So, I know it's been a long time, but I promised an update in January and so here it is. I'm actually pretty proud of it :D and I can feel my inspiration coming back. I feel good. I hope you guys liked it and that you'll forgive me for my absence. I love you all for your support and insistence :D _

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	5. Anger

_Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Cassandra Clare._

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><p><strong>JACE<strong>

"Kaelie," Jace all but growled. She was standing right outside the house with an annoyed look on her pristine face.

It'd been almost half a year since he'd seen her, but if he'd known that she was going to come and fuck everything up for him then he would've made sure to threaten her at the time so she'd never have the chance. He wasn't one to be aggressive with women, but if it involved Clary then he was willing to do anything.

He composed himself, standing up straight and clearing his face of expression. "What are you doing here?" he asked, sounding completely calm.

She rolled her blue eyes and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. "Oh, c'mon. I know Clary isn't here anymore. You can drop the act and let me in already."

"Clary isn't here anymore because of you," he nearly shouted. He was seething, but he was trying to keep calm since everyone was still asleep upstairs. He didn't want them to wake up and find Kaelie down there; they hated her almost as much as Jace did.

Kaelie shrugged and a smug look settled on her face."What was it you told me six months ago? Oh yeah, 'Sometimes I wish I had never met Clary.' I simply granted you your wish."

At that moment Jace almost wished he could punch her. Just to land his fist on her delicate jaw and have her knocked out on the ground. But those thoughts were dominated by others.

"What did you do?" he questioned.

Kaelie shivered. He noticed then that she was only wearing a short skirt. Was she stupid? It was nearly 20 degrees outside and she had the audacity to try to dress in skimpy outfits? Jace shook his head. As much as he wanted her to suffer, he was also freezing so he grabbed her roughly by the arm and shoved her inside. He didn't have to be nice to her, after all.

After tripping over her feet, Kaelie finally managed to stand up straight and glare at him. He ignored that and asked her again, "What did you do to her?"

Kaelie laughed humorlessly. "Nothing really, compared to you."

Jace brushed that comment aside. "I know you did something to her. I didn't mean that when I said it and you know it," Jace told her. He couldn't even lean against a wall, that's how tense he was. For weeks he had been suffering and then to have the cause of that suffering standing in front of him was more than overwhelming. He wanted to shout at her, hit her, throw her out, do anything that would make her regret telling Clary what happened. But he knew it would be pointless. Kaelie was cynical and she would never regret the fact that she had caused for Clary to leave Jace.

"If you didn't mean it, then you shouldn't have said it in the first place. It doesn't matter anyway, what's done is done," Kaelie flaunted with a smirk. She'd grown to be more malicious over the years, though she had always been a bitch to begin with, but what she'd done was beyond a simple ruthless trick. It was the destruction of something that was important to him. "And don't act so high and mighty. You act as though I was the only participant in all of this. You had as big a role as I did."

"And I told you it was never going to happen again. We were inebriated, I wasn't thinking, and we had sworn that what happened wasn't ever going to come out."

"Oh, but Jace," Kaelie whined tauntingly. "Only the truth is told when a person is drunk. How are you so sure that you won't be thanking me for this in a couple of months? Maybe you want to be with me instead of her again."

"You can dream all you want, but that'll never be a possibility. Clary is it for me, and you'd have done well to accept that by now. And you should know better than to believe that everything a drunk person says is true. I was talking impulsively, without real intention, and you went and fucked everything up with all those lies."

"Oh, come off it, Jace," Kaelie scoffed. She placed a manicured finger on his bare chest and ran it up to his jaw. Jace didn't move, he knew that if he did it would only be to shove her to the ground. "I didn't fabricate any lies. She knows the whole truth and you're just mad because it didn't stay hidden. Clary just realized that you're not as great as she thought you were."

Those words were so like the ones Clary had written in her note to him that Jace wanted to wring her neck. She wasn't right! Jace was done with her. His hand shot up to wrap around her tiny wrist. He twisted her arm as she gasped in pain, and then let go only to grip her shoulders tightly. She grimaced and Jace grinned in satisfaction.

"I may not have been great for you, but I want Clary, and I'll do anything to keep her," he said through gritted teeth, and let go of her with a slight push.

She sneered at him and brought up a hand to rub her shoulders. "Kind of hard to 'keep' her when you don't have her, isn't it?"

And that was it for Jace. She messed everything up for him. She made Clary leave him and maybe even hate him. "I'm never getting back with you," he said, enunciating each word, trying to make sure she understood him. "I don't want you. Why don't you understand that?"

She rolled her blue eyes, full of hatred. For as long as Jace could remember, they'd always been like that. He didn't know why he ever went out with her in the first place. Other than the fact that she was hot. "You said that when you started dating Clary and look what happened."

"Get out," he said finally. He was tired of her. She only kept on bringing up his mistake and he was tired of hearing it. He knew what he did, and he hated himself for it, and as much as he wished he had never done it he couldn't go back in time and erase the fact that he did. But he was tired of being reminded of it every two seconds so he grabbed Kaelie's arm and pushed her towards the door when she hadn't budged.

She turned back to him with a smirk and then drawled, "You're mad right now, but I'll be back later when you're over that pathetic ginger." And then she spun around, opened the door, and walked down the steps before disappearing into her car and leaving Jace fuming at the front door.

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><p><strong>CLARY<strong>

"What do you mean?" Clary nearly yelled. She was still in Washington DC, but after weeks of being there she finally felt like maybe it was time to go. Especially with what Isabelle was telling her over the phone.

She could practically feel Isabelle rolling her eyes. "I mean that Jace is on his way to look for you. He found out somehow where you were and last night we kind of...cracked and told him about your call."

Clary groaned. "He can't come here! I'm not ready yet – I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to see him again." She slouched down in the chair she was sitting at in front of a little cafe. It was a nice day, but Clary could feel the constant touring starting to take a toll on her. That, and the idea of having to see Jace again so soon was exhausting.

"Clary," Isabelle said, sounding exasperated, "I know what he did was terrible, but you guys need to talk and sort this out." Clary wanted to interrupt, but Isabelle didn't give her a chance to. "You just up and left! Without telling anyone! I figured out why eventually, but it would've been nice to hear it from you instead," she grumbled.

"So then why are you helping Jace? You know what he did, and yet you told him that I had called and you aren't even stopping him," Clary retorted.

"That's because..." Isabelle paused and Clary was almost sure that she had hung up until she spoke again. "It's kind of pitiful. The way he'd just go to bars and mess himself up over you. It's almost like he's not even Jace anymore. Believe me, I was infuriated with him once I guessed what had happened, but he looked so terrible and he was just sulking around. When he found out where you were, he changed completely. He was determined and happy. As much as I hate him for what he did, he's still my brother and I'd do anything to make sure he was happy."

He had no right to feel that way, Clary thought. He caused everything to go wrong, not her. She should be the one hurting herself in pain and regret, not him. She thought he'd be happy, in a way, to know that she was out of his life, but who knows? Maybe he just doesn't want to start over. Clary nearly snorted. Like he'd have any trouble getting a new girl. The thought made Clary's chest constrict.

Clary sighed and propped her elbows up on the small table. "I understand, I guess, but that doesn't mean that I have to do this right away. I seriously don't think that I can face him or talk to him just yet. I need more time."

"He left a few hours ago."

"Then I guess I'm leaving too."

"Fine. Do what you want," Isabelle said angrily.

"Wait." Clary sat up rigidly. "How did he find out where I was?"

"I don't know, but Magnus told me that he was walking around with some type of journal and he was very protective about it."

"Oh god," Clary groaned. She knew exactly what journal she was talking about. It was the one thing she had forgotten, everything else she left purposely, not wanting anything to do with Jace anymore. But in her haste to leave, she forgot to grab her journal. The one with everything about how her life changed as soon as Jace stepped into the picture.

And now it's changed again as soon as he's gone, Clary mused. Maybe it was only appropriate to leave that book behind and start a new one. Then she remembered, the list! She had written a list of places she wanted to go. She couldn't remember off the top of her head what they were, but she distinctly remembered Washington DC being the first one. So that's how he knew.

Isabelle's voice was loud in her ears. Clary hadn't even realized that she was still talking. "– you going to keep calling?"

"What?"

"I said, are you going to keep calling us with updates to make sure that you're fine?"

"Oh." Clary pursed her lips in thought. It's not like they could track her. She was 18 years old and she'd called her mom to notify her of her whereabouts, so they couldn't file any type of missing persons case. Her card! They could track her card. She decided to take out all her money and cancel her bank account as soon as possible. "Yeah," she finally decided. "I won't tell you where I am, but I'll call to say that I'm fine."

"More would've been great, but okay," Isabelle said in annoyance.

"Thanks Izzy."

"For what? For giving you a head start in escaping Jace?"

"No, for – for taking care of him these past few weeks," Clary said hesitantly. "I may hate him at the moment, or possibly for the rest of my life, but I don't want him to go kill himself either, so thanks."

She heard Isabelle sigh. "I wasn't doing it for you. He's my family, so I kind of have to."

"Well, then I'm glad he still has you guys. I'll talk to you later. Bye."

"Wait!" Isabelle shouted. "Just remember, Clary, that even though he has us, he'll always be missing a part of himself without you."

Clary didn't know how to respond to this, so she just said, "Maybe. Bye," and hung up.

A sadness overcame her as she crossed her arms on the table and dropped her head onto them, shielding herself from the world. As much as she tried to put a front about not wanting to see Jace again, that's all she wanted. But he didn't want her anymore. Who knows why he was acting the way he was. Maybe he was just angry that he didn't get the last word. Or maybe something else, but Clary didn't want to think about that. Right now she had to go to the bank, cancel her account, take out her money, and get on the next plane to Chicago.

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><p><em>AN: I'm sorry. That's really all there is to say because, honestly, this chapter has been written since the day after I posted the last chapter. I forgot it was done. I hope you guys liked it. <em>

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